ACT ONE - VALHALLA EXT. VALHALLA - NIGHT We push into a rag-tag group of adventurers clustered under the twilight of a setting sun, at the gates of what the prophecy only ever called Valhalla. Our red-haired hero, CHRIS, is silhouetted against the orange light smeared across the sky as the crew of brave adventurers stand in flock. In the distance, lightning crackles. The lightning is for dramatic effect. Please check your favourite weather app for up to date lightning-related information. CHRIS Okay. Let's just... take stock. (beat) Ominous lightning. Check. At the correct location. Check. Most of my friends... (Chris pauses) Well... my real friends. The SKEPTIC Wait! Some people are not here yet. CHRIS Like I said, my real friends. Unless they are late because of undiagnosed ADHD, this bucks is neurodivergent friendly. A VOICE emerges — not from the group, but from everywhere. It’s deep presence echoes amidst the lightning crackles. THE VOICE (O.S.) Christopher. CHRIS Nope. Don't love that. Not at all. THE VOICE (O.S.) You are aware of us. CHRIS Well. I should have known tonight was going too smoothly. The lightning strikes around the group and a continuous crackle concentrates in front of the group. CHRIS What. The. THE VOICE (O.S.) It is time. CHRIS Time for what? THE VOICE (O.S.) (softly, ominous) The Bucks. From the lightning steps THE FIERY GODMOTHER — radiant, ageless, fiery of hair and disposition. A woman sent from the future, possibly several futures, slightly over-budget on all of them. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Wait. You cannot enter alone. CHRIS I'm... with eleven people. THE FIERY GODMOTHER And yet. Christopher Raby. I have been sent from the future to find you. CHRIS Is it a good future? THE FIERY GODMOTHER (grave) It is a future. The fabric of our realities is beginning to collide. More will be revealed later. THE ORACLE Did you get your outfit from Ronnie’s? THE FIERY GODMOTHER (sternly) More will be revealed later. Now. Two tasks. Land the throw. The SKEPTIC Wait, wait — alternate realities. You mean like Earthrealm and Outworld? THE FIERY GODMOTHER Not exactly. THE ORACLE Like the multiverse? Like in the Avengers? THE FIERY GODMOTHER Not exactly. ADVENTURER Like a universe where Malakizo is actually a really good artist? A long pause. THE FIERY GODMOTHER ...Closer than you'd think. I had a vision. Now — the next challenge. Chris. She places a hand on his shoulder. The lighting shifts to a serene, slightly tropical green. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (soothing) Close your eyes. Imagine you are standing in the landscape of the golf club in Thailand — the greenery around you, the gentle hush of a course you have absolutely never played well. You lean forward. And you commit. To the double bogey. CHRIS That's golf. That's a golf word. And it's a bad score. THE FIERY GODMOTHER In order to pass this trial, you must perform the double bogey. Should you feel brave — the triple. You have but mere minutes. She steps backwards into the lightning, waving, the way one waves leaving a party they were never technically invited to. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Remember what I told you. And Christopher — don't miss. CHRIS Don't miss what? THE FIERY GODMOTHER (already half-gone) May the spirit of Darren Lockyer be with you. She is gone. The lightning disappears as if it was never there. ACT TWO - THE LIT TAVERN INT. THE TAVERN - NIGHT We find outselves in a den of merriment, where — at last — one is permitted to drink. Beers are summoned for the boys. The Adventurers are loud and luminous. Chris is mildly afraid. The lights flicker. The Fiery Godmother's voice arrives before she does — close, urgent, everywhere. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (O.S.) Christopher. Look around you. She is suddenly seated at the table, holding a drink she did not order, that was nonetheless waiting for her. THE FIERY GODMOTHER The tears in the fabric — they're widening. Tonight is the last night you get to be just one of the many Chrises you have ever been. CHRIS I'm one Chris. I've always been one Chris. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Have you? Look at them. Your adventurers. Don't some of them feel like... echoes of you? Pieces, wearing other faces? The group looks around at each other, suspicious and slightly tipsy. THE SKEPTIC So how do we stop it? THE FIERY GODMOTHER (quietly) Chris. I'm no longer sure that you can. CHRIS That's the worst thing a fiery godmother has ever said to me. THE FIERY GODMOTHER There may be one way. It is a paradox. To remain Chris... it is no longer enough to BE Chris. THE ORACLE That doesn't make sense. THE FIERY GODMOTHER The best magic never does. It is like Santa at the end of the hit Christmas movie, Elf. The more people believe, the stronger he becomes. So it must be with Chris. It is not sufficient that Chris is Chris. You must all become Chris. You must be Chris TIMES TEN. ADVENTURER How do we... Chris? THE FIERY GODMOTHER Channel him. His catchphrases. His mannerisms. The sound he makes. She makes THE SOUND — a low, proud, unholy gurgle. THE FIERY GODMOTHER If Chris would do it — do it tenfold. Repeat his mantras. And whatever you do — THE ADVENTURERS (in unison, gurgling) DARREN LOCKYER. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (a single tear, possibly of pride) ...It's beautiful. THE SKEPTIC Is this a religion? THE FIERY GODMOTHER (shrugging, sipping) Maybe. She rises. The portal-light gathers at the door. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Keep believing. The next phase reveals itself at the feast. And Christopher — do not, under any circumstance, forget what I said. She vanishes. Chris looks around. The group has no answers for him. The lads continue to party and be merry. CUT TO: ACT THREE - THE GREAT BANQUET HALL INT. THE GREAT HALL - NIGHT The GREAT HALL. A long table groans under food. The Adventurers, now thoroughly Chris-pilled, gurgle at one another between bites. It is going extremely well - perhaps too well. THE FIERY GODMOTHER appears in the candlelight, and for the first time she looks worried. THE FIERY GODMOTHER It's working, a concerning amount. I look around this table and... I can't tell the difference between the Chrises anymore. CHRIS Isn't that good? You wanted more Chris. THE FIERY GODMOTHER There is more Chris here than I have ever seen. And that is exactly what terrifies me. Because it means YOU — the original — are nearly gone. A hush. Even the gurgling stops. ADVENTURER So what do we do? Should we all order what Chris is having? Become him through the menu? THE FIERY GODMOTHER No. No, no, no. That is the one thing the true Chris would never want. The real Chris does not want his friends to shrink themselves for him. A hallmark of Chris is that he wants the people around him to have the best night of their lives. A Chris who subtracts his friends... is not Chris at all. She turns to Chris. For a moment, she is solemn. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (sincerely) So before he fades — someone should say who he actually is. Out loud. While he can still hear it. This is a moment in the night where people can give toasts to Chris or a quick work if they like. Glasses rise. Someone speaks the true thing. The candles flare warm. Chris pretends he has something in his eye. He does not. CHRIS (thick) ...I don't want to fade away. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Then there is one trial left. And Christopher — it is the loudest one. CUT TO: EXT. THE GREAT HALL - NIGHT The night air. Down King Street, a line of UBER CHARIOTS approaches — gleaming, each driven by a silent guardian with a 4.9 rating, bound for the CBD. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (O.S.) Your chariots await, for ye are many. They will carry you across the city to the final realm. Confirm thy pickup. THE SKEPTIC Mine says "arriving in 2 minutes" and has said that for nine. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (O.S.) Time moves strangely near the end of a reality. Also there is roadwork. Rush pricing. That sort of thing. CUT TO: EXT. ACROSS THE STREET - NIGHT Mid-pilgrimage. The chariots idle. The night is loud and golden around them. And then — Chris stops. Across the street, through the headlights and the haze, he sees her. His angel. His person. The fixed point of every map he has ever owned and the answer to every time Chris has asked ‘Life, death, what’s the point?’. Everything else — the lightning, the gurgling, the looming collapse of all known realities — goes very, very quiet. THE FIERY GODMOTHER (O.S.) (gently, for once) There. You feel that? That one is not an echo, Christopher. In every reality you have ever been, in every Chris there has ever been... she is in all of them, too. She always was. CHRIS (quietly) ...Yeah. She is. A car horn. The world rushes back in. Chris’ night has been elevated beyond the summits of Fuji. CUT TO: ACT FOUR - MORTAL KOMBAT EXT. A DINGY SCI-FI BAR AT THE EDGE OF SPACETIME - NIGHT A neon temple at the literal edge of spacetime. The songs of victory can be heard inside, emanating throughout the city. THE FIERY GODMOTHER appears to Chris, lit from the neon of the street. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Christopher Raby. You have been summoned to the Council of Chrises. You will represent your realm. In Mortal Karaoke. (beat) Karaoke with a K. THE ORACLE Karaoke is already spelled with a K. THE FIERY GODMOTHER And this realm has TWO. K times K. Thunder. Somewhere, a man yells ♫ "GET OVER HERE" ♫ and is asked to keep it down. THE FIERY GODMOTHER To save your realm, you must hit the high note. The chorus of the ancient hymn. The one the people know. The one the people NEED. The opening piano of "DON'T STOP BELIEVING" softly begins to play in the air around the heroes before swiftly fading away, like notes carried on the wind. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Sing, Christopher. Tonight, the only way to hold the tears of fabric at bay is to hit the high note of Don’t Stop Believing as high and loud as you can. (beat) This is all I can tell you for now. I know you won’t let us down. The Fiery Godmother disappears again in a puff of smoke. ACT FIVE - THE EPILOGUE SMASH CUT TO: INT. A DINGY SCI-FI BAR AT THE EDGE OF SPACETIME - CONTINUOUS The dust has settled, as if following a lengthy battle. Chris stands centre-stage, breathless, victorious. He braces for the realities to tear. They don't. The room is just... a room. Warm. Full of his people. CHRIS ...Did it work? Am I still me? THE FIERY GODMOTHER Christopher. There was never any collapse to survive. CHRIS There were SO many lightning portals. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Stagecraft. Here is the truth. The many Chrises were never separate selves you could lose. Look around. Look at the photos from tonight — you'll find Chris in every single one of them. Not because you were fading. (beat) Because you're in all of them. The pieces of Chris have been part of these people all along. They never left your side. You cannot fade — you are scattered, on purpose, across everyone who showed up. THE SKEPTIC (quietly, no longer skeptical) So the whole night was just... proving he's loved. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Who Chris is was never one piece. One night or time. One realm or reality. It's this. All of you. This is simply the next chapter of the saga. She steps back into a rising cloud of smoke, the way she came, except this time she means it. THE FIERY GODMOTHER Well done, my young Padawan . She makes THE SOUND — the proud, unholy gurgle — one last time. The whole room answers it. She vanishes. The smoke clears. Only Chris, his realm, and the faint, warm hum of a night that will be very hard to explain tomorrow. CHRIS (to all of them) ...Right, good. That's fine. He raises everything he has collected through the night like a trophy as the room kicks on and celebrates Raby’s final nights of being a bachelor. FADE OUT. THE END?

The night of a thousand Chris' Written by Renée Marie Petropoulos & Matt Scullino Based on a fever dream Chris had once CHARACTERS: CHRIS - himself The SKEPTIC - Volunteer 1 The ORACLE - Volunteer 2 ADVENTURER - Volunteer 3 FINAL REVISION May 30th, 2026 CHRIS THE VOICE THE FIERY GODMOTHER THE ORACLE THE SKEPTIC AN ADVENTURER THE ADVENTURERS (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (TEXT) INT EXT I/E VALHALLA THE TAVERN OF GRIFTERS THE GREAT HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN GOAT ACROSS THE STREET A DINGY SCI-FI BAR AT THE EDGE OF SPACETIME DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: 120